I could make excuses. I could talk about how busy I've been with work and school. I could whine about my personal problems, I could say the phrase, "bear with me." But I won't. Mostly because I HATE it when people say "so please just bear with me." GAH!
Anyway, I have been thinking about something lately called...
EXPECTATIONS
Paul McCartney was on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (my latest married-celebrity crush) last week, and it was a great episode all around. He talked about remembering John Lennon, and even sang a duet with Jimmy called Scrambled Eggs.
Anyway, when Jimmy was introduced Sir Paul, he explained that as long as he could remember, Paul McCartney was his favorite singer/songwriter, and that he couldn't believe that he was getting to interview him. He got a little sentimental (*tender*) and said, "If somehow my 15-year-old self is watching this.... just know that your life is gonna turn out pretty great."
I am a little scared to think how my 15-year-old self would have wanted my life to turn out. In order to satisfy her hopes and dreams, I would probably have to be married to Gerard Butler and starring opposite him as Christine on Broadway. My 16-year-old self would have preferred being best friends with Michael Jackson (or maybe just seeing one of his shows - I wasn't completely unreasonable). My 17-year-old self longed to be a back-up singer for Mika.
Now? Who knows.
It's not that I'm lost, it's not that I'm not obsessive and annoyingly passionate about things, but I don't know exactly what I want to happen. And more - I don't think I want to know everything that will happen.
Lately I have been working on giving up control. It's terrifying. It's hard. It's liberating.
But I'm working on it.
Maybe that's what it means to grow up.
Anyway - forgive the inappropriately serious talk. I want to hear what things your 15-year-old self would have wanted to have happen!
What would your life have to be like now, to be able to tell yourself,
"Your life is gonna turn out pretty great"
?
4 comments:
In my experience, it is more about giving up the illusion of control. There are things we can and should control (like our actions/reactions), but there are many more things that we think we control and, in fact, we do not.
A mentor once taught me that frustration results from projecting unrealistic expectations on someone or something. This, too, can be a form of being too controlling. I'm still learning that lesson (over and over again, in many aspects of my life), but I've seen enough to believe it is true for me. It is, indeed, liberating to give up trying to control certain things -- it certainly saves a lot of energy for more useful and fruitful pursuits.
The opening of the "Serenity Prayer" addresses this very point:
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."
Just FYI, I think you have turned out pretty great so far. And I feel really lucky to have you as a best friend. The control thing? It feels so good to let go. It really does. Do it. We can chat more on our little drive to Amy's.
Here's the thing...I thought I'd be a lot more accomplished at 21. I though I'd have more awards and more clothes and more boyfriends. I don't. But it's fine because I've never felt more self-aware. And happy and confident. And faithful...I think that's the key. I feel confident my life will turn out pretty great because of my faith and my knowledge of God. I've tried to make it more complicated than that for the sake of being worldly, but really that's all there is to it for me.
LOVE YOU!
This has really got me thinking.
I believe you can plan and plan for the future but you can't stop life from happening. No matter what things will change and I think you have it right by just letting go.
When I was 15, I was pretty positive I was gonna marry Jackson Emery. no joke
16, I was just excited to be a grown up. graduate, move out, etc.
17, I thought I would be fashionista, designing clothes and such.
18, I wanted to live in Paris.
Look at where I am! It's crazy how fast things change! I think part of me still wants those dreams (besides Jackson Emery of course ha) and maybe they'll happen.
Keep your dreams, and your goals. If it's meant to be, you'll get there. LOVE YOU!
I pretty much always love your blog posts, you're my favorite! I'm pretty sure the 15 year old self and the now 22 year old self still want to meet Paul McCartney...but I can say that the 21 year old self went to his concert and pretty much loved her life! I'm kinda in the same place you are, trying to give up control and just go with it. Obviously my life hasn't turned out like I planned, so why bother planning? Love your guts girl!
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