A Legend

You all knew it was coming, now brace yourselves.

I've been debating since Thursday how I would do this post. I don't want to be the same as the millions of other bloggers who are surely commemorating his passing because -- let's face it: I am NOT like most people. But I decided that, at the risk of being cliché, I couldn't NOT do a post like this.

It has always been pretty clear that I am an obsessive person. For a long time it was frustrating and always kinda embarrassing. That changed one day when I had a talk with my mom and realized that it's just my personality. It's who I am. It's why I'm passionate, and what drives the flame. Obviously balance is important, and I have been known to go overboard, but for the most part I think I've dealt with it pretty well. That being said, Michael Jackson has been a staple in my moderately long list of obsessions. Maybe it's because I liked being so controversial, maybe it's because I wanted to root for an underdog. Maybe, it's because I wanted people to remember how GREAT he was, and not focus so much on the plastic, fragile person he had so tragically become.

Although I didn't watch Thriller until like 9th grade (a travesty, I know) I had always appreciated his music. Maybe the late start is the reason I hit it so hard - I was making up for lost time! I watched every interview and documentary I could find. I read (in about 8 hours straight) a 600 page biography that really started emotional, sympathetic feelings for him.

My obsession healthily grew as I had regular MJ parties with Katie and Albree (and eventually Morgan and Hannah). We made "I love MJ" T-shirts, we watched music videos (and had spontaneous dance parties during the semi-boring ones), we even made themed sugar cookies with various MJ-inspired shapes like a sparkly glove, a cordless microphone (from the Rock With You music video), and my personal favorite: MJ's head with chocolate chips for the eyes and a sweetish fish for the lips. We wore our shirts religiously throughout high school, channeling his powers for luck in knowledge bowl, on AP tests, and sometimes just to feel cool. The parties only got bigger and better and last August, in Katie's brand new apartment, we celebrated MJ's 50th birthday. I thoroughly enjoyed converting many friends to MJ's wonderful legacy, and I was soon known, at least to some, as the Michael Jackson girl.

The comments in my 10th (and to a lesser extent my 11th and 12th) grade yearbook were very popularly Michael Jackson themed. Almost every comment was a variation of "Hey Melissa, you are funny and crazy and you like Michael Jackson." or "Melissa, even though you like Michael Jackson, you're still pretty cool." I thought I'd look back, as an adult, and regret being known as the Michael Jackson girl - but maybe I don't. There are worse things to be associated with and remembered for than passion and appreciating raw talent.

As with the yearbooks, I was closely associated with MJ to many of my friends. When I found out he had died, I checked my phone and already had about 15 texts letting me know it had happened and/or offering tongue-in-cheek but mostly genuine condolences in this "hard time" for me. Also, my facebook wall was beautifully cluttered with kind thoughts. According to many (including my bosses at work) I was their "first thought" when they found out that he died. In a way, that's nice.

I get upset, and frequently feel the need to stand up for him.

I watch videos like this and this, and I hear stories like this and I KNOW, I just know, that he was a good person. That he wanted good things, and had good intentions. I'm not going to say that the things he's been accused of are okay, or that he didn't absolutely destroy his face and good name. BUT - I am emotionally, ridiculously, and maybe naively adamant that he has a good heart. That he loved deeply and genuinely wanted to change the world. I get upset when people can't look past a few (or 50) nose jobs to see the man who wrote SO many songs about changing/healing/saving the world, and then actually did something about it! I love that, and I really love a lot of the things that he stood for. Not to mention the TALENT! I could go on and on about how, even from an early age his command of his voice was unparalleled. That he had more control, as a singer, than I could ever even hope for. He was robbed of his childhood, and really think that that is a big reason that he turned out as an emotionally unstable, adoration-seeking, shy man.

I feel like this is really rambly (<--- yes I made that word up), but my point is that he was a big part of my life. Sometimes I still cry a baby bit about it. BUT, there are things that have helped.

A friend reminded me of the line from Heal The World: "And if you really try, you'll find there's no need to cry; in this place, you'll find there's not hurt or sorrow." So... I mean, that's pretty good.

Even better. I was driving home today and kinda bummed about plenty of things (MJ included) when, completely out of the blue, "You Are Not Alone" came into my head. Cheesy, I know, but I guess I hadn't really thought of this song since he died. It was a nice little present that made me cry (let's face it - what HASN'T, lately?), but comforted me. :)

Anyway. That's my rant. I love this Michael Jackson. That's all there is to it.

Forgive my therapeutic purge.